So the other day I’m sitting in my office, and the phone rings.
I answer in my high pitched “Hello, how may I help you?” voice.
The caller states this: “Hi, um, I think you’re the psychic who I spoke to last week. You had said that my boyfriend was gonna call and he didn’t call. So I wanted you to tell me if he’s gonna call tonight.” Many things ran through my mind including:
1. Shit maybe I should be in the psychic business. People really CALL psychics?
2. Odd that she thinks a third, neutral stranger has more insight into her relationship than she does.
3. If you have to wonder day to day if he’s gonna call, HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! This is probably some man who you’re obsessed with. He probably thinks you’re weird because you do things like call psychics for advice.
4. If the psychic told you wrong information the first time, why do you continue to believe in this person, despite evidence that is clearly in front of you?
However, I said none of these things. I only replied “No ma’am, sorry, I’m not a psychic.” She apologized and hung up quickly .
So how is this relevant?
1. Well how often do you try to convince yourself of a relationship that is in reality a complete fallacy? Let’s start to be a little honest with ourselves about our relationships. Sometimes I say to my clients “READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL!” Meaning, be honest with yourself about what’s obvious.” Why do we try to convince ourselves of things that are not true, and then look for things that validate our fantasy? If a person likes you, it will be obvious. The person will call you, no matter how “busy” he/she is. The person will make it obvious.
2. To what extent do you find yourself compromising just to have someone? Do you find yourself defending your partner? For example have you ever thought or verbalized some iteration of the following: “Well he smells, has no job, and is unattractive, but at least he calls me a few nights a week to have sex.” WHY ARE YOU SETTLING FOR A PERSON WHO DOES NOT MEET YOUR OWN BASIC REQUIREMENTS?
3. Completely compromising your wants and needs overtime has an impact. Why? Because you compromise, compromise, and compromise, until you’re compromised out. At that point you’re angry, and severely depressed, and find yourself needing psychotropic medication just to get out of bed.
My advice: Be honest to yourself about the person who you are dating. If the entire relationship represents a compromise of who you are, you should probably not be in the relationship. If you find yourself in such a relationship, think critically about why you’re settling. If you are honest with yourself, you may find an opportunity for growth and maybe a partner who actually calls, without you having to first consult a psychic …